to love and to be loved.

i feel like i have so much to say but cant seem to find the right words to formulate my thoughts. my thought, my god, my thoughts are so continuous its almost a burden..to myself and those around me. i live in this little world where my thoughts dictate my actions. normal? i suppose but it feels less normal than the first. i sometimes i feel like im the only person in the world who thinks like i do. or maybe they conceal it better than i do. who knows.
so many things plaque my thoughts. i wish i could go a day without a single doubt or a single worry. that, that would be glorious..but i best keep on dreaming because until the day i wake up to the thought that all is well that will never happen.
to kind of lead off in my last post-something else angers me in relationships..or anyone in that fact.. its PORN or rather any guy or girl provoking lust-like responses.
i get so angry, (which im sure others connect with jealousy..i assure you its not) when i see girls pride themselves with sleazy pictures on their pages or write out sexual inneudos..EVERY guy falls for it. guys, do you really think any self-respecting girl would really lay it all out like that? oh hey heres a picture of me with me in a thong and a belt covering my boobs..NO they wouldnt.. just really insecure girls[more insecure than me] that have massive daddy issues who NEED guys to tell them they are beautiful. whats worse are the guys who gawk at this shit! my god..i read in a magazine that since the age of the internet..divorce rate has gone up! can you believe it? when is a REAL man or woman going to rise above this insedious bullshit and say they are more man or woman enough to not give into this temptation.
a real man and/or woman would see past this and look at there loved with one with pure eyes and a pure mind. that is a real man and/ or woman. ideally, of course.
isnt it more sexy to leave that for imagination? that looking at this is only going to cause mislead ideals, lustrous thoughts and not to mention make that person in your life feel insignificant.


i guess im in a fuck you mood. im confused by intentions. im overwhelmed by my lack of family. im misguided.
and i wish i could have some sort of normalcy.
when am i going to get an ounce of what im giving out? im running on low. and i havent felt that way in a while.


on a good note...im in love with a boy who makes me smile admist all of this :)


peace.love.hope.