swallow hard.

it's like the game jenga. you build your tower sturdy and do it carefully. each piece is a new piece of info. the next thing you know you have 5, 6, 7 pieces gone..but its alright because you are standing right? all it takes is the wrong piece and the wrong move for you to come crumbling down. it'll take rebuilding and reconstructing in the methodical way..and before you know the resilience is there.
i want to cry but laugh because it is so clearly pathetic. not my part.
i want to hurt them like i have but then i want to be hugged by him.
i want to hate because i am so angry but i want to love because that is what i am good at.

i just want to be hugged against my will and i want it to last.


this will be something hard to swallow...and 5 months is still a cut and this lie is just salt in my wound.