ups and downs.

lets start with positive since my previous posts have been slightly morose.

i made almost 400 dollars in the last two days of work and i still have one more day left of work! im not writing this to brag but rather just rejoice in the fact i can breathe without the stress of money looming over me. God DOES provide and give us only what we need. and im so happy that He loves me.

ive had some issues the last few days of work with a manager due to a complaint made about me. story: regular who is friends with the owner..doesn't respect the fact that i have 9 other tables and as i am taking an order from another table he yells "thirsty". and he keeps yelling it..anyways long story short he texts the owner saying im too slow.. mind you it was a saturday night..and im not only responsible for the bar drinks, i am responsible for server drinks, 11 tables and a 14 chair bartop. so tonight i decided to go to my manager and tell them that i did nothing wrong that night and that i value and take my job seriously , etc.. defintely opened eyes.

moving has to be the worst thing ever to do..time consuming, messy and time consuming.ya thats about if for that subject.

im making some nice girlfriends....and most i dont have anything in common with..so i am back at square one. although i have two i frequently hang out with on a pretty normal basis.

i know i have said this before but honestly id like to be more social. however, i feel as though God has made me become more introverted in the last year so i can get my act together and finish school. sound weird? maybe. but i find myself thinking this more frequently than not.

my cat cant meow..no joke. i have no idea why. but im hoping i can still keep her.

im finding myself struggling with oh so familiar emotions that i have been desperately trying to fight off. i hate that i feel the way i do sometimes or question or even the thoughts i have. why i feel this way and the way i feel about some just astounds me.

im beginning to realize..YES beginning to realize that i am a person who needs acceptance. as we all do, but more me. i feel like its my upbringing and past experiences that make me feel this way...but i very much want that feeling. ugh pathetic i know.

lastly, my relationship is becoming smoother..kinks getting worked out. i am just afraid that i will feel one way and think its al great but behind my back its not..past experiences suck. i need to have a little more faith..

this blog is not only a novel but absolute emotion vomit!