chances...

i dont think there can be change without progress. change in heart, change in motive, and change in intentions. without that...nothing will occur. i firmly believe the internet has become part of the decline in successful relationships. how easy is it for a guy to lust over a girl, talk to her and any other form of communication now? so easy! i hate this. i hate cheaters. i hate hearing about and i hate seeing it.
story:
a friend dates this guy. they have a few problems. they work it out. yet while my friend thinks things are golden he is talking to girls online, lusting after their pictures, lying about it when asked. then bam...it leads to wondering minds and a girl with low self worth and esteem because she feels she isnt good enough to keep a guy monogamous.

i wish i never have to witness this. its horrible and should never be like this. honesty should always be the policy. not wondering minds. before you go out and check out the opposite sex, think about what it does to the person you "love" mentally. its not great and completely unfair.

everyone deserves to be loved and be THE ONLY ONE catching your eye.
good thing i have something concrete and honest...and i hope i never have to go through this.


love.love.love.

useless post...but.

i love charlie more than anything in the whole wide world. she makes me so freakin happy, going home to a ninja kitty every night who loves to snuggle 24/7 is so amazing.



love.love.love.

...

the thing i hate the most about growing up is growing up to find this world is not a safe place, and honesty is hard to find.
i wish i could have that innocence back. seeing the world through those eyes again would be a beautiful relief right about now.
in a world where people dont intentionally hurt the ones they "love". the most hurt you would inflict is not hanging out with someone for recess but then the next morning its all back to normal. i miss that.
how can you "love" someone if you are continually hurting them....there comes a time where its not intentional does not fly and it become subconscious. but whose fault is that but your own if you continue to let it happen.



im tired of being talked down to..im tired of being mistreated...im tired of not getting what i deserve, which i believe is the world.
im a good person and i deserve this.


i just want to feel safety.comfort. security....all at the end of the day..all this knowing that im not alone. and this world isnt such a cold dark place.

but in light, i have some sort of warmth..knowing that we're golden.




hope.hope.hope.

xerox copies.

what will it take for some originality around here. original people NOT trying to mold into some scene or better yet being carbon copies of others!!! BE YOURSELF!
i need some sort of excitement around, im going to pull my hair out.
everything the same...bar this, bar there..is there something else to do in fresno that doesnt involve a bar?!
does drinking really make friends? maybe im coming across quasi-judgemental but how can you form the fundamental basis of a lasting friendship at .... a bar?!
that is the rant of the day...next post will hopefully be less negative haha!
i just want something more than this bar scene...there is much more i am sure of it!


love.love.love. [you know, the original one ;)]

keep this on the back of your mind.

...and sometimes you realize silver is just gray on really good day.






love.love.love.

without the risk of being let go, being held means nothing.

..and then, as if the constant power struggle weren’t enough on it’s own, we had made decisions that had push us back even further. decisions that leave us out in the cold when we both know what kind of warmth we’re missing on the inside. to me, there’s more to you than the eye meets but i can’t and probably will never be able to fully drop the guard i keep so well preserved. well for now, im a work in progress its a goal im trying to reach so desperately. you tell me to fold but trust me, this is a good hand.. i was born with a cloudy head but perfect vision, and i know everything there is to know about just a few things. while you tell me to forget it all, i am quite apprehensive yet i know youre it.through this all, this is what i want. new. new for us. i learn that you’re one of the few things i know everything about. now you should fold. because i’m all in.
im taking these moments as an opportunity, not to make you mine,
but to make myself
yours. im yours. :)

i will love you regardless of what you do.
until you do it.
to me.


i am hopeful, for the first time in months.
you're making me incredibly happy. its nice to have more good days then bad.
doubt you read this; but if you do.... i love you.



love.love.love.

...

i found some sketchbooks[ from freshman year of high school, good god!] going through boxes today and i found this...needless to say i aced honors english and that was by far my favorite project of high school with the exception of my painting and piano class.

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."




so im pretty sure ray lamontagne has the beautiful and unique voice in the whole wide world...a little raspy but his lyrics are beautiful and sometimes romantic, most of the time not..regardless,he is fun to listen to.




love.love.love.